March 25, 2004

Goodbyes ... a painful time

I hate goodbyes.. I hated it right from the time I had to leave home for the first time for studies and then career. I hated it when I had to leave my first hostel. I hated it when I had to leave my first job. I hated it when I had to leave my single status and go through the pain of the goodbye ritual in my wedding. I hated it when I left my Studio Apartment, my first personal haven. I always hate when I have to see off my family, my hubby my parents and my aunts. I dont know why but it gets to me and though I know that well one end has another beginning yet I still feel that my heart is breaking into two when I have to see a close one off from somewhere. Today I am feeling so much like bawling and I only know how I am controlling that outburst of a dam. I can imagine if I started bawling in front of all my colleagues and make a fool of myself... Then again my hubby is trying to cheer me up, sweet thing that is by telling me that he will take me out for a beer .. ha ha !! I guess that will make me feel fit and high.. maybe I can exchange that with vodka and drown my sorrows there... I shall miss you Ma and Papa... Miss coming home to you and your gentle concerns. Miss laughing with you at the dining table Miss having tea with you. Miss fighting with you like a kid. Miss cooking for you the way you like it. Miss asking you to buy me a little thing which you would get instantly...just like when I was a little gal.. Miss watching stupid serials like Kyon ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi ( dunno how how they became addicted to that.. its a crying melody.. everyone I see there is either shouting or crying) Miss having those evening walks together. Miss being a daughter to you.... WAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!! I am so so so so full of stupid stupid tears.............. I need a distraction... QUICK !! maybe I shall go and eat somebody's head. I am good at that .. I shall forget my own despondency... BEWARE !!! TODAY I AM HAVING SERIOUS DEPRESSION IN MY BAY.. ITS GONNA STORM.